Hello 2012

Happy New Years!  While 2011 came with some challenges, it was a good year.  I have some big goals for 2012 and hope that I will be able to accomplish them all and then some!

A few of the top goals:
* Learn how to use a lawn mower and keep my yard looking nice
* Keep the stupid fake woodpecker birds from eating giant holes in my house
* Lose 43lbs
* Cut down the stupid crab apple trees in my backyard (which also requires me to feel comfortable with a chainsaw)
* Let people know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate their friendship
* Improve my ability to ignore/block/avoid negativity and negative people
* Make something BIG happen :)

I spent the day with Alexis and had a great time.  She slept in until 10:30 this morning so between that, a nap and a regular bedtime, it was kind of a short day.  She loves talking and learning new words.  One of her favorite games is playing the online alphabet game with zoo animals.  It is so funny to hear her try to make all the sounds.  We had to make a quick run to Target to use up the rest of my flex card.  I saw a bag of party beads on one of the end caps as we were getting ready to check out and since Alexis loves necklaces, I couldn't pass them up.  I opened them up as soon as we got home and she played with them for quite a while.  I came over to take her picture and told her I loved her party beads.  She started walking around the house with all 20 necklaces on saying "Party! Party!".  And those are the moments I love about my life.  I am thankful that I have my daughter and so many great things in my life.  Whenever I start to feel bad about things and feel a pity party coming on, I think about how blessed I am to have Alexis, feel her hugs, hear her giggles, and experience the love in my life that I think can only come from being a parent.  There are some things in life that just make it all worth while :)

Christmas 2011

I had such a great Christmas this year!  I am so thankful my family was able to come to Colorado and celebrate with me :)  While adding 7 more people to the house certainly added some extra stuff and noise, it was so much fun to have everyone stay at the house.  My dad was able to stay for a couple of days and my sister and her family ended up staying for almost a week.  In addition to the fun of Christmas, we were able to go to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and the Denver Aquarium.  The kids seemed to have a great time at both places and it was nice to have a trip where we could just have fun.  For part of their Christmas gifts, I gave the kids cash so they could get souvenirs at each place.  I did not realize how much thought has to go into them picking something out!  It was kind of interesting to watch but I can tell Brenda has it all figured out.  The funniest part going with the kids to spend their gift cards at WalMart, Target, and the American Girl store.  I think Michael was the only one that had something specific in mind that he wanted to get with his gift card. 
Since we had just gotten a giant dumping of snow, the kids also had a great time playing outside in the snow.  I had no idea how much stuff it took to have 4 kids playing outside in the snow.  My two favorite quotes from the vacation came from Jack and Carter.  For Christmas, Santa got Jack a canister of cappachino.  He holds up the can and says "Now I know Santa MUST be real because there is no way Mommy and Daddy would ever get me this!".  During the trip to the museum, Brenda had strapped Carter in the stroller because he wasn't using his best listening skills.  He was less than pleased about being strapped in and kept shouting "Let me out! Let me out!".  Brenda told him she would let him out if he could behave.  With the honesty that only a child can have, Carter said, "I am not going to behave" and he quit asking to get out of the stroller :) 
Now that Alexis was a year older, she was a little more fun for Christmas.  She managed to pop the lid off her M&M stocking stuffer and had some chocolate for breakfast.  The she started stealing everyone's apples- funny girl!  Of course she didn't want the apple that I peeled for her, only the apples with the skin on that she kept gagging on.  I have no idea how many apples she ended up eating part of but it seemed like everytime I turned around, she had a new one.  Overall, this was a great holiday.  I redeemed myself with my cooking when everyone liked my Lemon Skillet Chicken, I learned that Crisco actually goes bad, I started seeing the magic that comes from making sure kids believe in Santa, and I had fun :)  Hopefully I will have pictures to post soon!

Really???

I have been a little stressed out the past few months with everything going on and learned that sometimes it is best to just go to sleep when I am tired.  Everything else can wait but nothing good comes from being tired.  I have plenty of stuff that needs to get done around the house before family comes on Friday but I was exhausted last night so I went to bed at 8.  Finally shut the tv off at 8:30, ended up talking on the phone for a bit around 9:30 but I am sure I was asleep by 10 at the very latest.  I know I was having a strange dream that had just led up to me finding a flat tire on my car when I woke up to Alexis screaming in her room.  Not the "I just woke up and want my mommy to help me get back to sleep" kind of scream, the kind that I thought maybe she had figured out how to climb out of her crib and was now laying injured on the floor.  I go into her room and she just keeps saying "down, down".  No rocking, no cuddling, just down.  But of course it is 2:30 in the morning so the house is still dark which seemed to freak her out.  Finally, I make her a glass of chocolate milk, get her pillow pet, Tinkerbell blankie and the gloworm and head to my bed.  She has never slept in bed with me so I don't really know what I was thinking but I figure it was worth a try.  For the next hour and a half, we watched videos of her on my phone, played peek-a-boo, and watched some Sprout.  Finally, I decided that I could at least get one more hour of sleep if I put her back in her room.  I cheated.  I got the portable dvd player, put in Mickey Mouse, set the player on her dresser, put her (and all her stuff) back into her crib and came back to bed.  After a few minutes of crying, she settled down.  I laid down and wanted to make sure the volume was up on my phone and IT DOESN'T FREAKING WORK!!!  I do not have a house phone, just the stupid cell phone (I hate TMobile!).  So I end up messing with that for a bit, can't get it to work and then realize that I don't have time to go to sleep anyway so I just need to get up and get ready for bed.  I check the monitor one more time (it has been about 30 min now) and Alexis is sound asleep.  Now I am ready for work but I can't start until 6am so I get to just hang out here, watching Alexis sleep until I need to wake her up to go to her dad's.  But at least I had time to blog, right? :)  Hopefully this day gets better quickly!

Because they make me smile...

Our Christmas Tree

I decided to let Alexis help put up the Christmas tree this year.  While her method of taking the branches out of the box was not anything close to what I do and it took us two days instead of just a few hours, it was the best experience ever!  She had so much fun and loves the tree.  It looks a little silly this year but I put all of the decorations she can touch on the bottom half and everything I treasure on the top half.  Her favorite part is the small M&M guys that snap over the lights.

Brain dump

Back to the wonderfulness of a brain dump on a blog :)
* Good days and bad days- I am finding myself to have a few more bad days than I have been used to.  I guess the good part is that I am getting better at finding ways to turn them around from a bad day to at least a not such a crappy day.
* I have been trying to figure out the word that describes what I feel when I look at/think about my daughter.  Love seems like such a small word and not enough to describe it. 
* Sometimes I feel like a horrible person when I have to change the channel for the humane society commercials because it breaks my heart when I see those poor animals but I don't have the same reaction for the starving kids commercials.
* We took Alexis to see Santa tonight.  It never crossed my mind to research what the santa's look like prior to making a commitment to go somewhere.  At first he looked like a good Santa but I don't think he would have been my top choice.  I din't want to go somewhere busy since I wasn't sure what kind of picture we were going to get.  I have a picture for the memory and that is all I was looking for so I guess overall I am pleased.
*  Sometimes I feel lazy.  I know I am entitled to my own time and it is important to rest but sometimes I really feel like I should be doing more than I do (outside of working and being a momy). 
* I am still in disbelief that there are such ignorant people in this country.  While I tend to keep my opinions off of Facebook, this is my blog so here is my opinion.  I cannot believe the horrible things people are saying about the "All-American Muslim" show.  Stupid part is, the reason the show was even created is because people are stupid.  One of the articles I read said that the stupid group opposing the commercials during the show is trying to say that the tv show is trying to make people think that all Muslims are decent, hard-working people and eliminate people's ability to recognize the threat of extremist lslamic groups.  I guess that might be where "Stupid is as stupid does" fits in.  I can watch "Little People" and not think that everyone is a little person, "19 kids and counting" without thinking that everyone has ginormous families, and so on.  I really hate stupid people.
* While I have had several moments where I have found that I am very proud of myself for being able to do things I was not confident I could do, nothing tops the pride I felt during my last trip to Iowa.  On both flights, several people commented on how great Alexis did on the flights.  My friend is a flight attendant and said that people generally don't say anything unless the child is very well-behaved.  That makes me feel good.  In addition, there was another occurance where a grandma commented on how well-behaved Alexis was in the airport.  When I mentioned that I hope she stays that way, the woman said she is sure Alexis will be because of the way I talk and interact with her.  :)
* I really want to get a cat for the house.  I am allergic to them, I hate cleaning litter boxes, and I still have issues where Token had peed in the house but I just really, really, really want to adopt a cat (or two!).
*  On Monday, I will be officially divorced.  Kind of seems unreal.
* I have been recording the Republican debates.  That makes me feel old.
* I appreciate that my family is relatively drama-free and has the self-respect to understand what issues are public and which ones are private. 
* Facebook has made me like some people a lot less.  There are downsides about people sharing so much about themselves.
* At the end of the day, I can honestly say I am happy, I am at peace with my decisions in life, and I look forward to what the next day will bring.  I wish that everyone could feel these things.

I changed my mind

After taking a few months off, I decided I didn't want to leave my original blog.  Just a few updates and we are ready to roll!  Time to get some updated stuff on here :)

Just incase...

I am not sure if anyone is still checking this site, but just incase, I will no longer be updating posts here. I can't bring myself to delete it yet though.

One of the crappy parts about being a parent...

is knowing my daughter is sick and not being able to make it better. I am watching her in the monitor and just wish I could make it better. She is back to sleep in her crib after our first real puking incident in the crib and I can't help but sit here and worry about her. She has her first fever and I can't give her any medicine to help since she had some before bed for her teething. I wait to see if she is going to get sick again since I am afraid I will not hear her and wake up. I want to take her temperature again to make sure I really did get an accurate reading. I want to cuddle her in the rocking chair but I know I am hot and I can't imagine that with her fever, cuddling with me will feel better than her crib since she is sleeping (although tossing and turning a lot). I want to make her feel better right now and I can't. :( I worry about what jammies to put her in since I know she is hot but I don't want her to get too cold. And for selfish reasons, I want it to be something easy to change her out of for the next round. I worry that her funny breathing while I was cuddling her is really a major issue and not just her being sleepy and trying to hold her paci in. I have been searching online for way too long and now have crazy thoughts in my head. I should just go to sleep so I am more rationale when I wake up later to do this all over again. I am thankful we spent the money on the monitor we got so I can lay here and watch her in her crib. Otherwise I am sure I would be laying on the floor in her room to make myself feel better. How are we going to handle any illness more serious than this? I just wish I could make her feel better so she could get some good sleep. :(

One of the best things....ever

On Monday afternoon, Alexis was playing in the living room and being her normal silly self. She loves to practice walking and so when we get home, I like to let her run around crazy for a bit. She was across the living room playing with her alphabet train. She stood up and then said "Mama?". I said, "Mama's over here" and she turned around to where I was sitting on the couch, smiled and then dropped down to the ground. She crawled over to me, giggling all the way. She stood up and pulled on my leg. I lifted her into my lap. She scooted herself up and laid her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck. She stayed there for almost a minute :)
No matter what goes on in my day, or what craziness I feel with life, my daught brings me peace. This moment may be a small section of the day, virtually non-existent in the world, yet for that minute, my daughter chose me. I have no idea what was going on in her mind but she wanted me, she is mobile enough to go anywhere she wants (at least inside of the baby gated area) and she chose to come see me. She wanted to cuddle with me.
She has always been a snuggly baby and I love it. But the moments where she brings me a book to read, comes over to sit in my lap and hang out, or comes over for a cuddle are even better now that she has the choice. I expected to love her first smile and celebrate her firsts. I knew hearing her say "mama" would be an amazing sound. I had no idea how a single hug would melt my heart. It was one of the best things... ever :)

Quick Update

Things in the Butler house are going well. I have two weeks left on this class and then just two more to go until I will be done! There is a 2 week break in between those classes which will be nice since usually a class ends on Sunday night and the next one starts on Monday. I have started thinking about what I will be able to do with my new found free time in September :). I am looking forward to using my Nook a lot more then and catching up on some reading that doesn't contain any educational information.
Alexis is doing good, always, always, always on the move. Sometimes I am surprised by how much she moves. She loves walking along furniture and is very proud of herself when she can walk around stuff to get to what she really wants (usually the remote, a cellphone, paper to shred, or food). She is getting pretty brave with letting go of an object so she can reach further to get to the next one. She really likes standing without holding on to anything and has recently started dancing when she gets really excited. If she can't walk herself to where she wants to go, she will crawl over to us, grab our fingers, stand herself up and start going assuming that we are getting up right behind her to walk with her.
She got her first two a couple of weeks ago and looks adorable with it. Her hair is getting a lot longer and starting to get some sweet little curls in it. We love watching all the new things she is learning and wish we knew half of what is going through her mind when she is exploring. She likes to play on the first step going upstairs so sometimes I will move the baby gate and let her stand against the step and bang on it. She surprised me and climbed right up on the step for the first time. I decided to see how far she would go so I followed right behind her. She climbed to the top!!! She is an amazing little girl! :)

First time with a spoon and bowl :)

The cutest girl in the world!!!

We got Alexis' pictures take at the Picture People at the end of March. She did really good for the first outfit and then after that, the smiles were a little hard to get. These were practice for her 1 year pictures so we are all more prepared. Of course, we fell in love with them and had to buy the CD so we had all of them. These are my own editing since the CD just had the original prints without their editing.

Picture day

Playtime with daddy

How do I get out of here??? My head doesn't seem to fit...
Hi there!

What exhausted looks like :)

Silly time on the floor with mommy